Suffer Well

     I wanted to write through the pain of saying goodbye to a friend.  It’s fresh this pain, only hours old. But it feels real, and it feels like I owe it to my dog as I say goodbye.  I made the choice to say goodbye. Reluctantly. I feel guilt at the decision. I feel like I let her down in some way.  But the reality is that I had to say goodbye. Her body was starting to shut down. She was betrayed by her own organs as they started to swell and make her life uncomfortable.  



     

This isn’t easy.  Anyone who has put down a pet knows the pain you feel.  I’m not sharing for them. I’m sharing it for me. This is my catharsis.  And I know how selfish that sounds. But it’s the only way I know how to heal.  I write my way out of things that are uncomfortable.


And sometimes those things are death.

     

This isn’t about sadness, however.  This is about letting her go. It’s about being okay with my decision.  It’s about moving on.

    

 It won’t happen overnight.  I know that each day, something in the house will remind me of her.  I will see a toy, or a torn sock, or the stain on a rug from some accident she may have had.  But I embrace those reminders. Shutting her out won’t heal anything. I want to remind myself of how she looked the day I got her, and the day I let her go.  I want to feel that sadness because it reminds me that I’m alive. It reminds me that sometimes, life gives us challenges, and it’s all in how we embrace those challenges that help us get through the most trying of times.  

    

 I wanted to write through the pain of saying goodbye to a friend.  It’s fresh this pain, only hours old. But it feels real, and it feels like I owe it to my dog as I say goodbye.  I made the choice to say goodbye. Reluctantly. I feel guilty about the decision. I feel like I let her down in some way.  But the reality is that I had to say goodbye. Her body was starting to shut down. She was betrayed by her own organs as they started to swell and make her life uncomfortable.


   Life will move on.

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